As a therapist, I will tell you a big secret – the most important question I ask is “How did that make you feel?” Yeah—a running joke for we’ve all heard—all you have to do is say that phrase on repeat to be a therapist. But in practice it is the hardest question for most people to answer. When I ask, most people tell me what they think about the situation, but in our work together people learn to identify and trust their feelings.
The reason why getting to the feeling is so much more important is that feelings connect to the most authentic part of one’s experience. When someone identifies how they feel, and then looks at what it is attached to them, big change is possible because then they really get what is happening for them.
So how do you answer this question, when most of us have not been taught much about how to tune in to our feelings?