Listening to Your Body Without Making Self-Care Another Job
By Abby Volk Neuberg, LMFT, LPCC
You’re tired, your stomach is uncomfortable, and you’re having trouble focusing. But you’re still getting things done, so you tell yourself you’re fine. You’ve felt worse before. You can keep going.
For people who are used to pushing through, that can become the standard for well-being: as long as you haven’t completely fallen apart, you must be doing okay.
But there’s a lot of space between thriving and falling apart. And that space deserves attention, too.
In a conversation on my podcast, Tell Me More About That, dietitian Elizabeth and I explored the relationship between food, stress, body awareness, and self-compassion. What I appreciated about her approach was the invitation to understand your experience without shaming yourself for it. Food and self-care can become opportunities to get to know yourself, rather than another set of expectations to meet.
Want to hear more? Join me and registered dietitian Elizabeth Aong on Tell Me More About That for a conversation about food, stress, burnout, and listening to your body with compassion. Listen on Spotify or Podbean, or watch on YouTube.
When Pushing Through Becomes Your Default
If you’re an overdoer, a caretaker, or someone who takes pride in being capable, you may be very good at putting your own needs on hold.
You’ll rest when the project is finished. Eat when everyone else is settled. Pay attention to that uncomfortable feeling when life calms down.
Eventually, you might stop asking how you feel and start asking only whether you can keep functioning.
One of the most useful questions Elizabeth raised was how we can recognize the quieter signals that deserve care before we reach a crisis. If your point of comparison is a previous period of severe burnout, anything less intense may seem insignificant.
You don’t need to wait until you feel that bad again to take yourself seriously.
Getting to Know Your Own Signals
Body awareness can sound abstract. In everyday life, it can begin with a few simple questions:
How is my energy today?
Have I noticed hunger, fullness, or thirst?
How did I sleep?
Am I holding tension anywhere?
What has changed in my mood, focus, or digestion?
What do I need that I’ve been putting off?
The goal is to become more familiar with your own experience. You don’t have to monitor every sensation or turn your body into a project.
Some people find it difficult to identify what they’re feeling physically. In our conversation, we discussed interoception, the ability to notice internal signals such as hunger, fullness, and the need to use the bathroom. Elizabeth and I reflected on how valuable it can be simply to have language for experiences that previously went unnamed.
Sometimes the first step is realizing that there is something to notice.
Curiosity Creates More Room Than Criticism
Noticing a pattern is useful. Judging yourself for having that pattern can make it harder to explore.
Imagine you stayed up later than you intended and feel exhausted the next morning. You could spend the day telling yourself you should have known better. Or you could acknowledge that you’re tired and ask what would help you get through the day with more care.
The same approach can apply when you miss a meal, overcommit yourself, or don’t follow through on something you planned.
What happened? What got in the way? Was the plan realistic? What support would make it easier next time?
Elizabeth described this as gathering data. A difficult day gives you information about your needs and circumstances. It doesn’t have to become a verdict on your character.
I think about it like spilling milk. Once it’s on the floor, we can spend our energy criticizing ourselves—or we can get the paper towels.
Even Your Inner Critic May Need Compassion
In our conversation, we also talked about the part of us that tries to maintain control.
For some people, self-criticism has served a protective purpose. Staying vigilant, anticipating problems, or following strict rules may have felt like a way to avoid rejection or mistakes.
That history deserves understanding. You don’t need to shame yourself for having a self-critical voice, either.
You might begin by acknowledging what that part of you is trying to accomplish: “I know you’re trying to help me stay safe. What would support me right now?”
That creates an opening to respond to yourself with more flexibility.
Looking at the Bigger Picture
Elizabeth emphasized the importance of understanding a person’s whole experience rather than immediately narrowing the conversation to a single food or behavior.
Someone may arrive at a nutrition appointment asking what they should stop eating. Her approach includes exploring the broader context: their routines, sleep, stress, rest, access to nourishment, and medical care.
The same curiosity matters in therapy. We can ask what is happening emotionally while also leaving room for physical concerns that need attention from a medical professional. A symptom shouldn’t automatically be dismissed as stress.
Our conversation returned to the value of collaboration: helping people describe their experiences, ask questions, and connect with appropriate support. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own.
You Can Return Before You’ve “Done Better”
One point Elizabeth made will sound familiar to many therapists: sometimes people want to cancel an appointment because they haven’t done what they planned to do.
They feel as though they’re supposed to come back with evidence of progress.
But the moments when a plan doesn’t work are often exactly what deserves space in the appointment. Maybe the goal was too big. Maybe your schedule changed. Maybe you needed a kind of support that wasn’t part of the original plan.
You’re allowed to bring that information back. Support doesn’t have to be something you earn by following through perfectly.
A Small Place to Begin
Slowing down doesn’t mean every part of your day has to move slowly. It might mean taking one brief pause between tasks to notice how you feel. It might mean writing down an observation or responding to a need you would usually postpone.
You don’t have to turn this into another elaborate routine.
Try starting with one question: What am I noticing, and what would help me take care of myself right now?
There may not be a perfect answer. You can still respond with care.
Elizabeth Aong, MPH, RD, NBC-HWC, is an integrative and functional dietitian, board-certified health and wellness coach, and founder of Nutrition Attuned. She helps people understand the connections between chronic stress, gut health, and their relationship with food. Her compassionate, personalized approach supports sustainable habits, greater body awareness, and nourishment without shame or restrictive diets.
Website: nutritionattuned.com
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