Articles by Abby

As a CBT-I therapist who specializes in insomnia, I loved this episode of unPAUSED with Dr. Mary Claire Haver and Dr. Kristen Holmes. Sleep can become much more difficult during perimenopause and menopause. Hormonal changes, anxiety, hot flashes, changing responsibilities, and the stress of midlife can all interfere with the body’s ability to rest and recover. What I especially appreciated about this conversation is that it moves beyond generic sleep advice. They discuss circ

Decentering romance means no longer treating a romantic relationship as the main source of happiness, identity, security, or purpose. It does not mean rejecting love or refusing to date. It means building a full life in which romance is one meaningful part, rather than the center of everything. Many women are taught that finding and keeping a partner should be one of their biggest goals. Sexism reinforces the idea that a woman’s value comes from being chosen, desired, married

As a Gottman Couples Therapist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I’ve noticed how quickly we dismiss or minimize women who talk about having “the ick” while dating or in a relationship. Yes, social media influencers have offered plenty of silly examples—like a man wearing socks with sandals. Humor aside, sometimes the ick deserves to be taken seriously. The ick can be an intuitive or unconscious awareness that small behaviors point to larger patterns of manipulation, unheal

When asked what men are often too embarrassed to ask women about sex, my response is simple, just ask her, “What do you like, and can you show me?” As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I’ve found that one of the biggest barriers men face when talking about sex is the myth that great lovers are born, not made. Women do not want to be treated exactly like your ex—especially in the bedroom. They want to be treated as individuals you are excited to learn about and happy to pleas

Exercise can help you become more aware of your body and present in the moment. Through movement, you can learn to notice which sensations feel good, when you need to slow down, and how to adjust an activity so your body feels safe and supported. In my yoga and dance classes, I teach people to respond compassionately when their bodies need something different or require a break. This practice helps people distinguish between discomfort they can safely explore and pain that si

As a Gottman couples therapist, I often see the Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—emerge during difficult seasons in long-term relationships. Today, however, they may sound less openly hostile and more like therapy speak. Criticism may look like weaponizing psychological language or sending your partner an AI-generated analysis of their text messages. Contempt can sound like, “You’re a narcissist,” “You need to work on yourself,” or an insulti

As a Certified Gottman couples therapist, I often clarify the difference between the silent treatment—also known as stonewalling—and taking a healthy break during conflict. A healthy break sounds like this: “Hey, I’m feeling overwhelmed and unable to continue this conversation. I’d like 20 minutes to calm down and think about what you’ve said so we can come back and have a more productive conversation.” The silent treatment, however, often involves becoming completely unrespo

As a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist for Insomnia (CBT-I), I see both benefits and drawbacks to sleeping with the bedroom door open. One major benefit is temperature control. Good airflow can help maintain a comfortable sleep temperature, especially when heating or air conditioning makes a bedroom too warm or too cold. Leaving the door open may also reduce anxiety for someone who needs to listen for a child or care for another person in the home. However, this can be

As a therapist who has worked with individuals for over 15 years, I understand that eventually ending therapy is often the goal—and a healthy part of the process. Many clients avoid talking about ending therapy because endings in their past have involved conflict, loss of safety, or intense emotional pain. That’s why directly telling your therapist, “I feel like I may not need therapy anymore, and I’m thinking about ending,” can be deeply healing. As a therapist, I often feel

As a therapist who specializes in ADHD—and as a person with ADHD—I’m a big fan of adult sticker charts. Charts and lists provide visible reminders of what needs to get done. Adding stickers can make completing a task feel exciting instead of simply relieving. Sometimes, the small dopamine boost from anticipating a fun sticker is enough to help someone move through ADHD paralysis and get started. Sticker charts also encourage us to notice and celebrate everyday accomplishments

As a therapist certified in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), I generally recommend that people with insomnia avoid napping—unless they’re sick, too tired to drive safely, or there’s another urgent reason. Napping reduces what’s known as sleep drive: the biological pressure to sleep that builds while we’re awake. Staying awake and active during the day helps create the fuel needed to sleep well at night. After a bad night—or several bad nights—it’s natural to

Holiday sex is an opportunity to slow down and make sexual connection feel like a game—not another item on your itinerary. Instead of heading straight toward penetration, explore how playful you can be. Spend 20 minutes touching, kissing, or gently nibbling anywhere except the chest or groin. Make out slowly as if you’ve just met—but choose somewhere other than your room. Meet at a new location, flirt, and pretend you’re picking each other up for the first time. Timing matter

High achievement doesn't rule out ADHD. Sometimes it's the coping strategy. A lot of the women I work with, as an ADHD Therapist, struggle less with motivation than with saying no. I call it ADHD optimism. Every new project sounds totally doable... until Tuesday. The executive functioning that should say, "Maybe don't volunteer for three committees this week," is a little late to the meeting. Many women with ADHD become chronic over-functioners. They've spent years compensati

Couples are coming to therapy early in their relationships not because they believe their relationship is failing, but because they believe it's worth investing in to make sure it lasts. When I work with couples, as a Couples, Therapist. I assume there are already many things going well. Therapy isn't always about fixing a broken relationship—it's often about learning the skills that help a good relationship continue to grow. As a millennial therapist, I've noticed that young

I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I help women find more fulfilling relationships. I actually think many high-functioning or highly intelligent women end up with bad boyfriends not because there's some deficit within them, but because they're used to people underfunctioning around them, and they're very good at helping people rise to their highest capacity. Oftentimes we want to blame or pathologize women for getting into or staying in bad relationships, but w

The difference between someone who is understanding and someone who is too understanding is whether they feel responsible for caretaking or resolving another person's discomfort. As a licensed couples and a sex therapist, I help people distinguish this daily. People with a healthy capacity for empathy and understanding don't feel responsible for fixing someone else's sadness, hurt, or discomfort. They recognize that difficult emotions belong to the other person and that those

The number one strategy for becoming less defensive during arguments is to stop taking criticism or requests personally. Yes, easier said than done. As a Gottman couples therapist, I know that defensiveness is one of the strongest predictors that a relationship won't last. Research shows that being able to hear criticism as information about another person's needs, feelings, and boundaries is a key relationship skill. During conflict, imagine that they're talking to you about

I am a licensed couples and sex therapist, and I work with high-achieving women to stop people-pleasing and find a clear path toward a fulfilling life. People with high-functioning anxiety often don’t identify themselves as anxious because they don’t see themselves as fearful or incapacitated in their daily lives. They don’t necessarily experience racing or intrusive thoughts. Instead, their anxiety may show up as a need for things to be perfect, keeping everything together a

I'm a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist, and I help clients not only reconnect in their relationships but also expand their menu of sexual options. Role-playing is something that can be enjoyed solo or with a partner. Role-playing isn't about performing—it's about play. It's a wonderful way to explore new avenues for pleasure and new opportunities for sexual expression. It's especially great for people in long-term relationships, people who se

I am a licensed therapist who helps clients heal from insomnia using cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), the first-line treatment for chronic insomnia. One simple recommendation I often make is to use consistent background noise, such as a fan, white noise, static, or steady rainfall. The specific sound matters less than its consistency. Steady background noise can soften louder or more distinct sounds that might otherwise wake you. This is why I generally don’