“What other people think about me is none of my business.”

One of my favorite pieces of advice came from a substance abuse counselor who was teaching about social anxiety and drinking:

“What other people think about me is none of my business.”

It stuck with me because there’s something both funny and freeing about it. Other people are allowed to have their own thoughts, judgments, reactions, and beliefs. We don’t have to manage all of them.

Of course, people are responsible for how they treat us and how their beliefs impact a relationship. But people also have passing thoughts and reactions they may not strongly believe, act on, or even want to hang onto.

I see this especially with sensitive clients. They notice a facial expression, a shift in tone, or a moment of hesitation and immediately internalize it. They’re annoyed with me. I said something wrong. They don’t like me. Sometimes they may be right, but sometimes they’re mind reading and never giving the other person a chance to explain.

Trying to predict someone else’s thoughts can feel protective. If I can figure out what you’re thinking, maybe I can prevent rejection, conflict, or disappointment. But it can also become another way of trying to control something we simply cannot control: another person’s reaction.

What we can pay attention to is what people tell us, what we ask them, and most importantly, how they treat us.

This is where boundaries become much more useful than mind reading. A boundary isn’t about controlling what another person thinks, feels, or does. It’s about knowing what I need, what I want, and what I’m going to do to take care of myself if something isn’t working for me.

That puts the focus back where we actually have some power: our communication, our choices, and ourselves.

And sometimes, what someone else thinks about us really is none of our business.