How to help a Family Member Caught in a Romantic Scam

What to do when you see an online girlfriend or boyfriend is really a predator scamming for money!

Supporting a family member who is entangled in a scam relationship can be challenging, as any attempt to directly confront the reality of the scam might trigger defensiveness or deepen their attachment to the scammer. Here are some compassionate and practical ways to offer support:

1. Be Nonjudgmental and Empathetic: Express understanding of their emotions and validate the importance of the relationship in their life, even if you don’t believe it’s real. Letting them know you’re there without judgment can build trust, making it easier for them to open up about details of the relationship.

2. Listen Actively: Allow them to talk about the relationship and share their feelings. By listening without immediately challenging their beliefs, you create a safe space. This can help you gently guide the conversation toward critical thinking later on.

3. Ask Thoughtful Questions: If they seem open to it, ask gentle questions that encourage them to examine the relationship more closely. Questions like, “What do you feel makes this person special to you?” or “Have you thought about meeting in person?” can subtly encourage them to notice potential inconsistencies.

4. Educate Without Direct Confrontation: Rather than accusing the scammer directly, you might share general information or stories about similar scams. For example, “I read a story about online scammers who target people by pretending to be in a relationship; it was surprising how many people got caught up in it.” This could encourage them to reflect without feeling defensive.

5. Encourage Outside Relationships and Hobbies: Gently encourage them to engage in offline friendships, hobbies, or social activities. Strengthening their connections in the real world can reduce emotional dependence on the online relationship, making it easier to let go if they eventually realize it’s a scam.

6. Support Financial Boundaries: If they’re giving money, encourage them to pause before sending any more. You might say something like, “I know this relationship means a lot to you, but would you be open to holding off on sending any more money for now, just to make sure it’s safe?”

7. Suggest Talking to a Therapist or Trusted Advisor: Sometimes, a neutral third party can help them think critically without feeling attacked. You might suggest a conversation with a therapist or financial advisor, saying something like, “Talking to someone objective about the relationship might help give you peace of mind.”

8. Stay Patient: Accept that they might not see the truth right away. It may take time for them to question the relationship, especially if they’re emotionally invested. Being a patient, steady source of support will help them feel safe turning to you when they’re ready to confront reality.

   
   

It’s a delicate process, but a family member’s consistent, nonjudgmental presence can eventually create an environment in which the person feels comfortable re-evaluating the relationship on their own terms.

Other sources of help:

1. Federal Trade Commission (FTC) – Romance Scams: The FTC provides clear, actionable information on how romance scams work, what to watch for, and steps to take if you or someone you know is affected. They also offer resources to report scams and recover from financial losses.

   • FTC Romance Scams

2. AARP Fraud Watch Network: AARP’s site includes articles, scam-prevention tips, and a helpline specifically for those who may be dealing with romance scams. The AARP Fraud Watch Network is particularly helpful for older adults.

   • AARP Fraud Watch Network

3. Scam Survivors: This nonprofit site provides a supportive forum where people can share their experiences, learn from others who’ve been targeted, and gain insights on how to recognize scam tactics. The community and moderators provide a space for emotional support and practical advice.

   • Scam Survivors

4. Better Business Bureau (BBB) Scam Tracker: The BBB Scam Tracker allows people to see reported scams in their area and understand current trends, including romance scams. It’s also possible to report a scam, which can help warn others.

   • BBB Scam Tracker

5. Scamwatch: Operated by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC), Scamwatch offers advice on various types of scams, including romance scams. Although based in Australia, the advice is relevant worldwide and includes tips on spotting scams and reporting fraud.

   • Scamwatch Romance Scams

6. Action Fraud (UK-based): Action Fraud is the UK’s national reporting center for fraud and cybercrime. They offer resources for those affected by romance scams and ways to report suspicious behavior.

   • Action Fraud

Encouraging your family member to browse these sites casually can help them become more aware without feeling pressured or embarrassed. Sometimes just learning about similar stories on their own can open the door to rethinking the situation.