The Sex Question Men Shouldn’t Be Embarrassed to Ask Women

When asked what men are often too embarrassed to ask women about sex, my response is simple, just ask her, “What do you like, and can you show me?”

As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I’ve found that one of the biggest barriers men face when talking about sex is the myth that great lovers are born, not made.

Women do not want to be treated exactly like your ex—especially in the bedroom. They want to be treated as individuals you are excited to learn about and happy to please.

In fact, one of the sexiest things a man can say is: “I was watching this video on OMGyes, reading Come As You Are, or looking at this article, and I wondered whether you might like this or want to try it.”

Research is hot. Wanting to grow is hot. Prioritizing her pleasure is hot. Caring enough to learn about her body, needs, and desires—and offering new ways to make her happy—is incredibly hot.

In a private, nonsexual moment, ask what she enjoys in the bedroom. Ask her to show you. Ask whether she likes toys. Complete a Yes/Maybe/No list together.

Most importantly, learn to receive guidance without becoming defensive.

Respond with appreciation that she trusts you enough to tell you what feels good.

When a woman knows she can give you honest feedback and you will listen with curiosity rather than taking it personally, she is more likely to feel safe with you—and that can make sex exponentially hotter.