When Trying Too Hard to Sleep Is Keeping You Awake
THE INSOMNIA SERIES | PART 1 OF 5
Why trying to control sleep can make insomnia harder
A question worth asking
Recently, a colleague emailed me with some really thoughtful questions about insomnia. She wondered whether people sometimes become so focused on fixing their sleep that tracking, analyzing, and worrying about it start to take over their lives. I think she raised an important point: sometimes our efforts to control sleep become part of what keeps us awake.
The paradox of sleep
Sleep isn't something we can force. We can make our surroundings comfortable, keep a helpful routine, and give ourselves enough opportunity to rest. But demanding that our bodies fall asleep on command tends to make us more alert. Suddenly we're checking the clock, calculating tomorrow's fatigue, and wondering what we're doing wrong.
Think about floating
I often compare this to swimming in the deep end of a pool. When we panic and thrash around, we exhaust ourselves and sink. When we learn to let the water support us, floating becomes easier. Sleep is similar: the goal is not to work harder, but to stop treating sleep like hard work. We can prepare our body for sleep by taking care of ourselves, not working harder.
What helps
Notice the urge to make sleep happen. Instead of asking, ‘How can I force myself to sleep right now?’ try, ‘What would help me feel comfortable and less caught up in the struggle?’ If you remain awake and frustrated, CBT for insomnia (CBT-I) offers specific strategies for responding to wakefulness. You don't have to win a battle with sleep. You can learn to make room for it.
About the author
Abby Volk Neuberg, MA, LMFT, LPCC, is a California psychotherapist specializing in CBT for Insomnia, anxiety, ADHD, trauma, and relationships. She offers telehealth therapy throughout California.
www.counselorsf.com | abby@counselorsf.
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