Your Inner Critic Is Trying to Protect You. It’s Just Really Bad at Its Job.

I

am a licensed marriage and family Therapist, working in Private practice for over 13 years. The neuroscience of self criticism is basically comes down to a function of survival.

I had another therapist once say that humans are more geared towards negativity as a functioning of survival, then optimism and positivity. Naturally, we scan our environment and ourselves for forms of threats. When it comes to ourselves, we look for mistakes, short comings, or ways that we might be rejected.

I personally think that the need to belong is one of our primary needs over food and shelter. If we are ejected from the herd, we will not survive.

Unfortunately, our really intelligent human brains can over scan, over rehearse and solely focus on our negatives so much so that being highly critical of ourselves becomes a default or dominant response. Plenty of research shows daily gratitude, practices, increase happiness and reduce depression. I also know that the practice of not engaging are in a critic, reality testing, self compassion and accepting imperfection are a few of many ways of reducing the inner critic.

Learning to tolerate rejection, learning to tolerate not being liked is an important step in maturity and being more confident. Also, knowing that ourselves aren’t a fixed self … are we are not holistic good or bad, and we can choose on a day-to-day behaviors that engage in the values and how we want to live our life. And we can learn how to repair mistakes versus trying to guard against being seen as acceptable or not acceptable. Also, authenticity, success, and authentic relationships are built on not being accepted by everyone and knowing that rejection is important process in ending up in places that really fit who you are.